Just Beat It!

We've all felt this way. Am I right?

Is your nervous system in fight, flight, freeze mode? Flirt mode? What about appease mode? In whatever mode you might find yourself in, know that you’re not broken—your brain-body is just trying really hard to protect you.

Many of my clients dealing with impulsive behaviors, compulsions, or sticky patterns in intimacy are surprised to learn that their brain-body isn't the enemy—it's simply providing very useful information in a primitive, brainstem kind of way. One simple tool I recommend my clients to use between sessions when they feel dysregulated is bilateral stimulation. It’s a gentle way to help regulate your nervous system and quiet the inner chaos that can drive those reactive patterns.

So, what is it? Bilateral stimulation uses rhythmic left-right input—through sound, touch, or movement—to engage both hemispheres of the brain. This can help shift you out of survival mode and into a more grounded, connected space. Picture soothing a cranky baby with some gentle rocking.

You don’t need a fancy setup to access this effective tool. Just search “bilateral stimulation” or “binaural beats for focus or anxiety” on Spotify or YouTube. There are free playlists—some instrumental, some lyrical—that work beautifully. The key is to use earbuds or turn your phone sideways and rest it under your chin. That lets the sound move from ear to ear, which is the magical, restorative part.

It won’t fix your problems or urges overnight, but it can sure help you slow down enough to notice what’s really going on inside. And sometimes, that moment of pause is exactly what changes the game.